is your mom at the bar?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
