Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
