We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
