Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
And then he peed in my hair
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