dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
