Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
