Who wears a wallet chain?!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
