no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
