And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
