Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I want to be your penis for a week.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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