Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
