yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize