i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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