I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
