I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
