I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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