ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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