Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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