From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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