i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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