actually, I'm a sock model
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
