I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
