508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
