Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Randomize
