Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
