Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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