Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
