so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
