and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
