Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
