We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
