GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
