He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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