apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
