I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
