woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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