living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
