wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
