I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize