She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
