Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
