Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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