I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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