Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
