dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
