Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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