wakey wakey hands off snakey
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
