in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
