they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
