i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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