somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
