apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
