um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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