does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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