Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
