I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
