I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
