Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
