he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Randomize
