Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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