I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
