3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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