i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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