What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
