My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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