and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think your dad took our porno
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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