he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
