508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
